This has been a really hard week. It was one of those weeks where I tried really hard to stay positive and not stress out but it has been challenging to do that given where we are with Bella. I will get to that at the end of this post after the 23 week update.
This week had some really fun moments in it, too. We had a great 4th of July! We had a BBQ at my mom's house and Linda came over to celebrate, too. I really like when we get both families together. It makes me even more excited to add Gianna to the mix. Billy and Marco manned the grill. I was really looking forward to some pool time but the weather didn't really cooperate. It dropped to like 75 and was cloudy and a little drizzly. After we ate, we lit off some fireworks in the street then had dessert in the backyard and watched all the neighbors shoot off their illegal fireworks. It was like having our own private fireworks show!
Another great moment this week was having my dear friend, Jona and her husband, Logan in town. Jona and I are due one day apart and are both having girls! The four (really six) of us went to dinner at Kona Grill and had a great time catching up. She will be in town for the month and I am really looking forward to spending more time with her. It is really amazing to be pregnant at the same time!
How far along? 23 weeks
Total weight gain: Almost 18lbs
Maternity clothes? Yes on the bottom, mostly regular tops still. This belly is getting bigger!
S
tretch marks? Nope, still using my Mama Bee oil.
Sleep: Pretty good. Getting up about once a night to pee. Got my first leg cramp this week. That woke me right up!
Best moment of the week: Both Billy and my mom felt Gianna move this week. So exciting! Grandma was trying to be patient. :)
Miss anything: Not this week.
Movement: She's a little wiggler. I feel her move a lot but it's only the stronger kicks that others can feel.
Food cravings: Nothing this week. I am still liking soda which is weird since I normally don't drink it.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Nope.
Gender: Girl!
Symptoms: I got a leg cramp this week. That was awful!
Hopefully it's not a regular occurrence. I had a little swelling on the
inside of my feet, under the ankle. Only one day of that. I need to make
sure I am drinking a ton of water in this ridiculous heat.
Belly button in or out: In but it is getting flatter!
Wedding rings on or off: On
Labor Signs: Nope
Happy or moody most of the time: On and off this week.
Bella's condition is hard to deal with and I have been having a hard
time. I'm not in the mood to pretend everything is fine.
Looking forward to: Getting our re-order deliveries (crib, dresser, bedding), finding our wood which is lost in Brazil.
--------------------------------------------
Now, onto my Boo. We went to our regular vet this week to get her opinion on Bella's condition. I have been struggling with knowing when is the right time to let her go. She has lost about a pound and a half since I left for Dublin (about three weeks ago) and is down to 11.1 lbs. Her healthy weight is about 12.5. She has basically no muscle mass in her hind quarters and her left leg is turned in when she walks. She is really unsteady on her feet and has a hard time getting comfortable when she lays down. She will only eat a few bites of food in the morning (1/2 a mini muffin, a few Kix- sometimes not even that) and eats better in the evening (she ate a whole chicken leg last night with some carrots) but it is still not the equivalent of a full meal. She'll eat something and seem to really like it (like the chicken) then the next morning want nothing to do with it. It has been a challenge to get her to eat for the last few months but not like this. We have her off all meds except her pain pill (2-3x/day) and Pepcid AC to help her tummy.
She hasn't played with her toys since I got home. This dog plays. She has a toy bin full of toys and will stick her head in it until she finds the exact toy she wants. She lays, a lot. She has three pillows and spends most of her time on them. We still have potty pads all over the house (that's what happens with bladder cancer) but it has gotten a lot harder to take care of her. Sometimes she will just lay on her pillow and when I go to pick her up she is wet. I don't know if she can't feel it (we know she leaks...) or if she hurts too much to get up and walk to the pad a foot away. She still likes to be outside and sunbathe. She likes to lay in the sun in the living room, too. At night, she no longer sleeps on the bed with us, but in our bathroom. We set up all her pillows and line the entire floor with potty pads. We keep the door open so she can see us but put up the baby gate so she can't get out.
She was supposed to go to the groomer this week but I cancelled it. I know she is not steady enough on her feet for that. I gave her a bath instead. I have been trying really hard to manage my stress level. Every time I feel Gianna kick it is a reminder that I need to do my best to keep myself as calm as I can. I don't know what is worse, the anticipation of the end, the end itself, or the aftermath. I keep trying to remind myself that no matter how I feel, it is really nothing compared to what Bella has gone through in the last 18 months. She is the one who is sick, not me. I can't keep her here because I am scared or because I will miss her too much. That is not what a good mama would do and I have tried my best to be the best mama to her that I can. I just want to be sure that I am not jumping the gun. I know there is no cure here and I don't want to wait until things get so bad that she is just miserable all day every day. I can see the changes in her over the last few weeks but writing this out makes it sound so bad. Our time is short with her so we will just keep on loving her as much as we can.
 |
| This week- hanging out with her papa |
